The Perils of Lying (Down)

If you’ve been temporarily struck deaf and blind for the last couple of weeks you probably haven’t heard of Planking. For those you that have been so lucky, apparently there’s a new daredevil challenge in town. Move over extreme ironing, stop and drop your cheese-rolling, all the kids are getting into Planking. That’s right, “extreme lying down” is the new cause for mum’s most recent dash to the emergency department.

Apparently several people have been injured while trying to plank on moving vehicles and one person died after performing a plank on a 7^th floor balcony after a hard night on the turps. As a result of this we’ve had another Helen Lovejoy (There’s getting to be a lot of those lately) and community groups, politicians, and hack journo’s (talk-back radio, opinion piece writers, and anyone from New Idea) jumping up and down about kids doing everything they can to kill themselves and demanding someone put a stop to the Plague of Plankers.

I don’t think planking is the problem though. I think people are doing stupid crap and getting hurt. See, when someone tries to plank, while plastered, on a 7^th floor balcony railing, falls off, and dies, I don’t see the “plank” part of this scenario as the danger. Apparently I’m the only person that feels that doing anything on a 7^th floor balcony railing while three shandies to the wind isn’t a great idea. Imagine if this lad had been overtaken with the sudden need to pray. Would church groups be targeted by the media if someone fell to their death while drunk-dialling Jesus on a 7^th floor balcony?

Would lycra-clad road-hogs be abused (more than usual) if the young man had been killed while cycling on the 7^th floor balcony railing with a blood alcohol reading of Charlie Sheen?

Would Cate Blanchett have been the subject of a smear campaign if this ill-fated fellow had necked a few chardonnays and wanted to debate putting a price on carbon pollution on this balcony railing? Although if he had, several journalists may well have spontaneously combusted from the pressure of blaming everyone at the same time.

Despite a few injuries, several sackings and a few suspended students (no pun) much chuckling has come forth from the part of the community with equal parts grey hair and free time with suggestions that ‘planking’ is the most exciting thing that “Gen Y” *cringe* can come up with.  Personally I consider it to be a roundly successful excursion in irony that anyone can turn the act of lying down into something widely considered stupid and dangerous by the talk-back-radio listeners of the community. If we keep this up no doubt we can soon inspire legislation against extreme waving, extreme blinking and extreme respiratory-failure.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m a bit worn out so I might go and have a lie down. Is it too extreme if I have a glass of warm milk beforehand?

-Worst Guy Ever

Also, have a look at The Huntress vs. The Headline over at wordpress. A very wicked friend of mine author's it and quite enjoys skewering wierd and wonderfu- no, just wierd headlines produce by crap-tabloid new providers.